


by tomorrow we'll be amongst the leaves

by Beb



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dysfunctional Family, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Loki (Marvel), Hurt/Comfort, Kid Loki (Marvel), Kid Loki and Kid Thor (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Loki (Marvel) Feels, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Thor Feels (Marvel), Whump, as a throwback
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:02:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28891062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beb/pseuds/Beb
Summary: After his death, Loki had two wishes to ask of his mother.Or, in other words,Loki, after Thanos killed him, asked Frigga to erase himself out of Thor's memories, for he could not stand the thought of Thor blaming himself for his death and the thought of Thor broken because of him. Loki's second wish being that the late Asgard Queen, who now sat on throne beside her King, refused his own access to Valhalla - meaning the God of Mischief was nothing more than a lost soul with no purpose, trapped and unable to cross over.All because Loki couldn't leave Thor behind.Someone had to look after Thor; Loki couldn't do that in Valhalla, but he could do it here where he, the ghost, would follow Thor wherever he went, even if Thor had no idea who Loki was.Even if Thor had no idea he ever had a brother.
Relationships: Brunnhilde | Valkyrie & Thor (Marvel), Loki & Thor (Marvel)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 61





	by tomorrow we'll be amongst the leaves

Thor's sleep wasn't peaceful. Had never been peaceful. Every night, he kept having this recurring dream, kept seeing.... _someone _: a man standing in the fog. Raven hair, sharp jawline, pale skin, unsmiling lips and cold dead eyes looking at him. He looked sad. Thor'd never seen someone so sad.__

__"Who are you?" Thor had asked._ _

__No sound the man in the lost dream made._ _

__"Why - why do I've got a feeling I know you?" Thor pushed. Still, the man said no words._ _

__"Why can't I remember you?" The Thunder God blurted out, even if he knew, even in a dream, it was stupid to ask someone such a question._ _

__"Who are you?"_ _

__Thor opened his eyes, woke with a start. As always, the first thing he saw was the ceiling of his room in New Asgard, visible just barely in the absence of light. He lifted his head up a notch from the pillow, taking in his surroundings as though he was expecting that man to appear. Of course, there was no one here. The man only existed in Thor's dreams. Thor wasn't sure if he felt like laughing at his own nonsense: searching in the dark for someone he saw in his sleep._ _

__He let his head fall back to the soft pillow. Closing his eyes even though he knew he wouldn't drift off into unconsciousness again for the night. Well, at least he could just rest, lying here until the morning came._ _

__He always felt unrested, exhausted and distracted. The man's face displaying itself in the back of Thor's head. _Who are you _, Thor wondered.___ _

____~~~_ _ _ _

____"You look like shit, your Majesty," had become Valkyrie's way of saying hello. It wasn't a lie. Thor waved at her with a quick, 'aye' and a smile that didn't reach his eyes before walking up to stand next to Korg, then they were ready for the meeting today. Today's topic being the boundaries that would separate Thor's people, whether it be Asgardian or Sakaraan refugees, from Midgardians. Korg was, surprisingly, helping a lot. He was wise and kind, despite he was made of rock._ _ _ _

____They were rebuilding the kingdom, little by little, after half of the people were brutality murdered by the hand of the Mad Titan on Statesman - never made it to Earth._ _ _ _

____By the shore of the beautiful Norway ocean, there was a stone. Big enough for the names of all lives that lost on The Statesman to be written down, engraved on the stone for the eternity. So they would never be forgotten. For they would remain here with the rest of those who survived, even if they couldn't be seen._ _ _ _

____Or, almost every name, of those whose lives were lost on The Statesman, was written on the stone. There was one missing._ _ _ _

____Loki._ _ _ _

____Valkyrie figured it was on purpose. She thought she ought to ask Thor why, but, disregard her being... tough and cold, she still knew it might probably be a bad idea to directly ask _'hey, I'm not sure if you forget, but ugh, your brother's name is not there' _since, frankly speaking, she wasn't sure how emotionally stable Thor was after everything he's been through, and if the sensitive topic, about his dead brother, would somehow trigger him.___ _ _ _

______Better to leave it unsaid._ _ _ _ _ _

______Better never to speak Loki's name while they mourned the rest of the victims. (Even if Loki was, indeed, a victim, too)_ _ _ _ _ _

______Better to act like Loki never existed at all._ _ _ _ _ _

______It was cold, Valkyrie thought. This was cold even for her. But it wasn't her call to make. If, for whatever reason, Thor wanted to pretend like Loki never existed, then she and the rest of Thor's people would play along._ _ _ _ _ _

______Who were they to question the king, after all._ _ _ _ _ _

______~~~_ _ _ _ _ _

______Thor re-entered his house after he helped setting up a healing chamber. It was a long day. Part of him wanted to flop face down on the couch and never woke until tomorrow arrived, the other part longed for cold water and a bath (well, not a bath. They hadn't installed that yet, but there was, indeed, a shower - and for now, it would have to do)_ _ _ _ _ _

______Thor tossed his jacket somewhere to his right and walked to the kitchen. Things looked normal. Nothing seemed off, except... one thing. One thing so small Thor almost failed to notice it at all._ _ _ _ _ _

______He furrowed his brows and made careful steps toward the kitchen island, slowly picking up a jar of peanut butter. Thor was positive the thing was full this morning. He never even touched it ever since Stark gave it to him as a welcome-to-earth gift or whatever._ _ _ _ _ _

______Thor resented its smell, which was why he was certain it wasn't him who ate the whole jar in one day._ _ _ _ _ _

______Had someone broken into his house? That would explain the eaten peanut butter, but it wouldn't explain why nothing else was touched. What kind of a thief broken into someone's property just for a jar of peanut butter? Not that Thor had anything worth stealing; all he had were a wretched-looking couch, an old bed, a half functioned TV and some food. It didn't make any sense. Also, there was no sign of any break-in: no broken window, the door was locked when he came._ _ _ _ _ _

______His mind went to Valkyrie, Korg and Miek. Perhaps one of them somehow got their hand on a spare key and this was one of their silly pranks. But they were with him all day._ _ _ _ _ _

______Norns, the more Thor tried to think, the more clueless he became. It wasn't the goddamn peanut butter that got him worried, he couldn't care less about something that gave him nausea just by the smell of it. It was the thought that someone might be broken into his house, targeted his safety. That was what worried Thor._ _ _ _ _ _

______He placed the jar back down and looked around. He was alone. Maybe it was nothing; just some dude who thought they were closer to him than they really were and somehow managed to invite themselves in his house for some bite to eat._ _ _ _ _ _

______Thor would let it slide. Because he didn't know what else to do. What ridiculous scenes it would make, if he were to make this a big deal and start interrogating everyone over a jar of peanut butter. That wasn't the kind of king Thor wanted to be._ _ _ _ _ _

______***_ _ _ _ _ _

______"Amma!!!!!" A two-century-old Loki cried, running to his mother with his tears stained cheek. "Amma, amma, Thor ate my peanut butter," the little one sniffed, eyes all puffy from all the crying._ _ _ _ _ _

______Thor knew in that moment he was in trouble. He didn't even eat Loki's peanut butter. He didn't even like it. All Thor did was hide it in his room and told Loki he ate it, just a harmless prank._ _ _ _ _ _

______It was funny to see Loki getting all angry, punching him with his small fists that Thor could barely feel the impact. When Loki's lips started quivering, Thor started to feel bad. He meant to give the kid back his favourite snack, but Loki already ran away and to their mother and oh, Thor was so screwed._ _ _ _ _ _

______A young Thor spent a good twenty minutes being scolded at by Frigga about how it wasn't nice to upset his baby brother like that. "Loki is very sensitive," she had said, "you must know that, Thor. I expect you to be a good big brother and to protect your little brother even when you both grow up,"_ _ _ _ _ _

_______Peanut butter had always been Loki's favourite. ____ _ _ _ _ _

________***_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Who the hell ate my peanut better, _Thor found himself still being irritated by the matter even if he was tossing and turning in bed, waiting for the clock to hit twelve and so a new day would begin.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Sleep wasn't something he achieved easily lately. And when he did manage to drift off, it was... that man again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________This time the mysterious man seemed more real. Clearer. He was still mute, but Thor thought this time he was closer: just by reaching out a hand and Thor could almost touch him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________"Will you not tell me who you are? Why - why do I feel like I know you?" Thor's voice dancing on the edge of pleading. _Will you not let me know your name? _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The man smiled. For the first time, he smiled. Though his smile was still so sad. Some part of Thor had this sudden, unexplainable urge to pull him close and hug him tight, wrapping his arms around him and tell him it was all going to be okay, even if Thor didn't even know who the man was. Didn't know why the sight of him looking so hurt made something in Thor's chest hurt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Please," Thor muttered._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He opened his eyes slowly. When he found himself on his bed, he wasn't even surprised anymore. Dreaming about the mysterious raven-haired man with sad eyes wasn't a surprise anymore._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The matter no longer being surprising didn't mean it stepped into being boring. No, Thor could never get bored - nor could he grow tried of seeing him in his sleep. Thor was tried, but not of him. If anything he was eager to know. By now he was sure whatever it was, it wasn't just some meaningless dreams. Maybe in other lifetime, Thor and the man were allies._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________As strange as it sounded, he didn't feel threatened by whether or not the man was real. On the contrary Thor felt... safe in a way he couldn't explain in words how._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________~~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Loki remembered his death, which should be impressive, judged by how many times he had died. This death, however, was different. More gruesome. The most painful one. He remembered hand closing in around his throat, blocking his airway, burning oxygen from his lungs. He remembered thrashing with his legs not touching the ground, struggling to break free from Thanos's grip even if he knew it was useless._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Loki knew he was going to die the moment he summoned his dagger. It was either him or Thor, because Loki, having known Thanos well enough, knew Thanos would kill only one of them. And it had to be Loki. Thor had to live, he had to._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________So this was him willing to make the sacrifice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He had hoped it would be over fast, it could have been quick, but Thanos decided such a Trickster didn't deserve a mercy of a quick death. No, Thanos made sure it was slow. He made sure Loki felt the life slowly being squeezed out of him bit by bit. He made sure Loki felt blood running down his eyes, his nose and his mouth. He made sure Loki got what he deserved for betraying him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________His body eventually reached a point where it could no longer take the pressure. There was a crack of bones snapping in half. Only then it was, thankfully, over at last._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________There Loki saw the light: bright and promising. His instinct told him to follow it, and so he did. He'd heard many times about Valhalla, when he and Thor were little, and Frigga told them about the place during bedtime stories. He never knew it was real until now that he was standing in front of an elegant, enormous palace where the warmth of sunlight kissed his skin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________This was Valhalla and this was home. Entering the throne hall, Loki could barely fight back his tears when he saw her; his mother seating on the throne next to his father. Both of them looked at him with kind smiles on their faces. Both of them were proud of him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Oh Loki," she cried. "My sweet boy. My brave son. Come, you are home now,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Loki could live here with them for the eternity. They could be family again. Never in a million years had he thought he earned such a blessing; a blessing of reuniting with his parents, of being worthy of Valhalla._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________But then he heard Thor cry. The voice coming not from here but from somewhere so far away, it was barely audible, but Loki heard it nonetheless. Thor was still on The Statesman, weeping and cradling Loki's corpse. Thor was alone. That was enough to stop Loki from running into his mother's embrace._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Thor needs me," he had said, his voice cracked, though his eyes full of certainty._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Though Loki knew it was wrong: the dead and the living could never walk the same path. But what if Thor had no memories of a brother he lost?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________If Thor didn't know, Thor wouldn't be in pain. If Thor didn't know, Loki could secretly watch over him - like a guardian angel._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The moment Loki's eyes found Frigga's again, Frigga knew just what was in her son's mind. And even if what Loki asked pained her, she knew her brave son always did what he believed was right._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Amma," Loki had said. He hadn't called her that in so long, and suddenly he sounded young. So young it broke her heart. "There is nothing I want more than to be with you again, but... but Thor's still out there and he's alone. He's in so much pain because of me. I - I've hurt him enough. I don't want to hurt him anymore,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Frigga and Odin shared a glance._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"If it is not too much to ask, I would ask that you erase me from Thor's memories. He can't be the king our people need, if he's drown in sorrow and mourning my death. He... he deserves to be happy. Please, he will be happy, if he doesn't know who I am... was," the last word slipped out of Loki's mouth in just barely a faint whisper._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Oh, my son," Frigga's eyes shone with unshed tears._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"There is one more," Loki gulped and looked away for a short moment before he looked at her again. "I would ask that you send me back. Not as a living, of course, I could never ask for that. As a dead. I only ever wish to look after him, to make sure he's okay. Thor needs someone. He'd been looking after me my entire life. It's time I return the favour... even if he doesn't know me, even if he can't see me,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He was so brave and Norns, she was so proud of him. Both her and Odin were so proud of him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________***_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________So here Loki was: a stray floating through the existence. Never at peace, never being able to rest._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________But at least he could still sit next to his brother, even though his brother couldn't see him. At least he could still watch over Thor, and that was more than enough._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________~~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Thor's mind no longer on the speech Valkyrie was giving about accepting Wakanda's offer to help with funds. He kept thinking about the eyes he saw last night when he was dreaming. Those too familiar eyes, yet Thor couldn't recall from where he had seen them._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________As a matter of fact, he could hardly remember how the day went or how he dragged his body back to bed when night fell. Everything felt meaningless, pointless even. His mind kept traveling back to the man visiting him in his sleep. Thor felt... committed to him, which should be wrong for one to feel such strong emotions towards something that could only exist in his imagination: just something his mind created._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________But what if there was more?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________It was midnight when Thor opened his eyes and saw him sitting on the edge of Thor's bed, one leg held up against his chest, the other dangling off the bed. He was looking at him, and he looked sad, as always._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Thor knew he should be intimidated: there is a person of his dream sitting here even when he was now awake (wasn't he? Yes, Thor was definitely awake) or if not intimidated, then he probably shouldn't be... at ease. There was a stranger in his house, sitting on his bed, for Norns' sake._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________Thor was at ease. His heart wasn't hammering against his chest, he didn't feel the urge to jump up and summon Stormbreaker. He just... looked at him. They just looked at each other._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He, the man, looked just as sad as in Thor's dreams._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Who are you?" Thor asked in a soft voice. Somehow the question was more important to Thor than how he got here._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________The man smiled sadly, "I shouldn't be doing this,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________So he can speak, _Thor thought surprisingly. It was because he never spoke a word when he was in Thor's dreams. His voice hoarse yet soft, strong yet somewhat... young. He looked down like he was guilty of something (of letting Thor see him, perhaps)__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"I missed you," the man admitted, still wouldn't look at Thor._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Who are you?" Thor slowly propped himself up on his elbow as though he was afraid any sudden move would chase the man away._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"I'm nobody," he looked back at Thor eventually. There were tears in his eyes. Norns, Thor couldn't tell why, but it took him everything not to pull that lost little boy into a hug._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"You are not. You are," Thor paused, the word got stuck on his tongue._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The way the man was watching him, though. It looked like he expected Thor to say the right word. What was the right word?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"You are..." Thor knew, somewhere deep in his heart, he was sure he knew what the man was to him. He couldn't drive deep into that part within himself, it felt as if it was locked away by some force, and Thor couldn't reach it. So he ended up with, "you are someone important.... to me,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The man chuckled wryly. Norns, everything about him was so familiar. "Maybe I was. That doesn't matter now,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"What... happened to you?" Thor noticed faint bruises ringing the man's throat. "Is that what," Thor gulped, "is that what... killed you?" The whole thing seemed so crazy: he was talking to a ghost._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Though the moment Thor asked, he immediately felt bad when he saw the man grimace, like the wound was still fresh and raw, and by mentioning it was like pouring salt directly onto it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Like I said, it doesn't matter anymore. I'm already dead,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Why... why aren't you able to rest? Is there... is there something I can do? That would help you move on -"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"I do not wish to move on," he cut Thor off in a sharp voice._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Thor looked confused._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The man sighed. "I'm not appearing to you to ask for help. Only that you are well is all that matters to me,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Thor's eyes widened when he noticed the man's outline beginning to fade away. "Wait," he called, "Don't go. Don't leave me,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________The man chuckled again. When he smiled at him this time, it was oddly sincere and comforting. "I'm not leaving you, Thor. I would never. Just because you can't see me, doesn't mean I'm not always with you,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Like that he was gone. Thor looked around the room like a maniac. He stayed up all night in case the man would appear again._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He did not._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________~~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Valkyrie didn't expect a visit. As far as she remembered, there was no council meeting today, which meant she expected Thor to sleep till noon, if not evening._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Your Majesty," she waved, a bottle of liquor still in her hold._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"I need to ask you something," Thor got down to business, his face stoic. Well, he wasn't here for a drink or a round of a game of cards, apparently._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Shoot,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Do you believe in ghosts?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"What kind of question -"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Do you?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Valkyrie paused for a moment. And then, "yeah... I suppose. Why?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Hypothetical question," Thor went on, "Why do you think ghosts make themselves visible to people they wish to be able to see them?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Valkyrie raised her eyebrows, she hadn't taken a gulp of her drink in longer than 10 seconds which meant she either hooked to the topic, or she suspected something. Thor hoped it would be the first, he knew it was most likely the latter. "Why would you -"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Like I said, hypothetical question," he gave her what he hoped was an innocent-enough smile._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Valkyrie sighed, "there are... many reasons, if you ask me. They want help. Somehow they have unfinished business and can't move on. Which is why they need the living, a specific one, to do something for them to set them free. So they could cross over and rest,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"What if that isn't the case?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Valkyrie gave Thor a strange look._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"You said they were many reasons," Thor pointed out defensively._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Fine, the other I can think of, is that they don't want to move on,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"Why wouldn't they?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"I don't know, maybe they still have someone, someone who's still breathing and living, and they can't bring themselves into leaving that someone because they love them so much? Jeez, I'm not the best go-to person to ask about this, Your Majesty,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________Thor blinked. He believed she was right._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________That man... what that man had said last night suggested what Valkyrie said was correct. And Thor felt somewhat stupid for not figuring it out himself. "Thank you," he said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________He was about to walk away - was _walking _away, when Valkyrie's voice stopped him. "Is this about your brother?"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Thor stopped dead in his tracks. He felt like he'd been hit with Mjolnir. For a moment Thor couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't even breathe. "What..." he said, slowly, because even though he did not remember, there was this part of him, deep inside, that knew what she said was more than just some drunk talk. Thor had a brother._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"What did you just say? What brother?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________~~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________After Valkyrie told him everything about Loki, Thor felt like he was going to faint. That man, Loki, was his brother. His brother who died saving him. Then it all came rushing in; bits and pieces, the memories they shared since their youths. Them being raised together, growing up together. Played together, fought together. Thor forgot all of that, but he remembered it now. He remembered it all, and he felt suddenly very dizzy by the image after image, images of Loki, flooding into his head._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Then there was Loki on the Statesman with him. Thor did not fight alone, Thor did not escape Thanos on his own. He remembered it now: Loki struggling in Thanos' grip, the crack of his neck that sent wave of pure terror down Thor's spine._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Thor remembered crawling to his brother's lifeless body, holding him tight despite the fact everything around him was crumbling down._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Loki. Whatever trick was being done to Thor that erased Loki from his memories: Thor remembered him now._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________He found himself alone at the lonely shore, screaming his brother's name at the top of his lungs like a complete maniac. He screamed till his throat hurt, screamed till he had no voice left. Then he collapsed down on his knees._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________________How could you do this to me? _The question echoed in Thor's head. _How dare you, Loki? How dare you make me forget. ______ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Thor almost wished for Loki to appear and explain to him. He almost waited for Loki to appear and explain to him. Loki did not show himself. of course. Thor wanted to laugh. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop, if he were to start: Loki never listened to him, even when he was alive. Why would he start listening to Thor now as a ghost?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________~~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________He brought another three jars of peanut butter, setting them all on the table, knowing they were Loki's favourite._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Norns, what am I doing?" Thor drew out a huge exhale through his mouth. He couldn't believe he was doing this. Thor had never been the one who believed in ghosts, but after what happened, here he was. He almost bursted out laughing looking at the three jars sitting on the table like he was (he actually was) expecting Loki to show up and start eating them like how he couldn't resist himself and ate the first one._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Thor couldn't believe he was setting up a trap to catch a ghost of his brother like a hunter trap to catch a fox or something. He was doing just that: seating on the couch, watching, waiting._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Three hours passed and nothing happened. The peanut butter remained untouched. "Come on, Loki," Thor spoke aloud, "I know you're here. You said so yourself you'd always be with me. These are all yours. I know it's your favourite. All you have to do is show yourself,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Nothing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Are you mad at me because I remembered you?" Thor wanted to laugh. If anyone were to see him like this: talking to a ghost that probably wasn't even here, they would all think him crazy. Thor thought maybe he had gone mad._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Maybe ghosts weren't real and Loki was never here. Maybe it was Thor's own mind that couldn't accept the truth his brother was dead. In so much denial that his brain locked all the memories of Loki away and only dreamt about the dead brother in his sleep, hallucinated him, making him up because he missed him so much he was the one who couldn't move on. The one who did not want to move on. Maybe his mind had come undone for good._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Thor sighed and got up. He needed fresh water. Thor walked to the bathroom and washed his face in the sink, splashing cold water directly at his face, when he came back he was struck frozen in the doorway when he saw Loki sitting on the couch on the spot Thor was earlier, eating the peanut butter like he hadn't eaten in days (in which might actually be accurate. Thor didn't know if ghosts needed to eat or if they got hungry, too)_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Loki?" Thor didn't know he had said it aloud until Loki stopped eating. He turned to look and their eyes met. And in that moment Thor knew Loki was real. He wasn't hallucinating it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"Ah," Loki said, licking his finger clean. The jar still in his other hand. "I suppose you do remember me now. Should have known Valkyrie would run her mouth,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"You... you knew she was the one telling me,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Loki chuckled. "Norns, Thor. I thought I told you just because you couldn't see me doesn't mean I was not there."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________"So you were with me all the time,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________Loki shrugged. "Someone has to make sure you wouldn't do anything stupid,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________________'You.. how could you? You erased _my _memories, Loki. How could you -"___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________"That was mother's doing," Loki's voice cut Thor off. Thor stopped and suddenly looked dumbfounded. The anger he felt earlier disappeared. "Don't take it out on her, though. I asked her to do it, all right?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________"But why?" Thor's voice cracked. He was desperate. Desperate and overwhelmed. Loki was here. Loki was actually here._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Loki averted his eyes. He looked... sad. As always. "You shouldn't be... broken because of me. You would be a lot happier, if you had no idea who I am - was. You were a lot happier before you figured it all out -"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________"Happy?" Thor almost choked. "I was happy? You call that happy, Loki? I was exhausted. I kept seeing you in my dreams but I had no idea who you were and all I could think about was you!" His voice raised, his chest heaved and his face red._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________Loki seemed to get upset, too. He put the jar down and rose on his feet, stalking slowly toward Thor. "Well, maybe not happy, but you wouldn't be so sad about my death, would you? I - I just didn't want you to be sad. You mourned me before. You would continue mourning me and you would blame yourself for my death even if there was nothing you could do. I made the choice. I sacrificed myself, but you couldn't see that, could you? No, brother, you would drown in sorrow. You would do nothing to build Asgard. You would not be able to be their king and you..." Loki gulped, panting hard. He looked down again and when he next spoke it was barely audible that Thor almost failed to catch it. "You deserved to be happy. I thought by not remembering me, it would make you happy."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________"Loki," Thor sounded so miserable that Loki winced. They were both miserable. "You couldn't possible think that - that I would want to forget you. You are my brother,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________"Was,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________"You still _are, _" Thor insisted and Loki did not argue any further. "It wasn't fair, Loki. You couldn't just - it wasn't fair that you thought your life was something that could be traded in exchange for mine. It wasn't for that you decided I didn't get to remember. It's not fair," Thor didn't sound angry anymore. If anything he sounded defeated, on the verge of tears.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________"I know. I'm sorry," Loki murmured, his gaze glued to the floor._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________"Why aren't you in Valhalla?" Thor asked, even if he could probably figure out the answer. "Mother was there, and father. You deserve to be happy, too."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Loki shook his head. "I'm not leaving you behind. I can't,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________Thor knew his brother had never been the one for sentimental speaking. The fact he said this now. And part of Thor was happy: part of Thor was happy Loki chose to stay, and Thor hated himself for how selfish he was, to want to hold his brother back when Loki deserved to rest, to be free. Thor was selfish. He was too selfish to push and make Loki leave._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________________"Can I..." Thor stepped closer now. Standing right in front of Loki, this close, it was so easy to pretend this was normal, that Loki wasn't a ghost but a breathing and a living brother Thor always had. _He still has. _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Loki didn't move back when Thor reached out. For a second Thor was afraid his hand was going to go through, to be unable to touch. But when he gently placed said hand on Loki's shoulder, it stayed there and Thor almost choked on his own sob. Loki's skin was solid. Ice cold but solid, and be damned if the cold burnt, Thor pulled him in and held him tight, head buried on Loki's shoulder as he let the tears fall free: something his younger self would say a sign of weakness. Thor couldn't care less. Not anymore. He was crying._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Loki was extremely still, tense even. But eventually he relaxed and brought his own hands up, let them stay on Thor's back. Thor was warm and alive, while Loki was cold and dead. They were like the sun and the moon - had always been the sun and the moon: different but inseparable. Different yet so similar._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"Thor,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"Hmm?" Thor didn't indicate any sign he was letting Loki go anytime soon. If anything he tightened his embrace around the ghost in his arms. Loki was here. Alive or not did not matter. He was here and they were together._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"I would really appreciate it, if you could let me get back to the peanut butter,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________~~~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Thor did not dream about Loki that night. He actually had a decent sleep, good even. Sunlight flittered through the window, Thor opened his eyes with a yawn and stretched. Then he remembered: he did not dream of Loki. For a minute he thought Loki had left, and that thought terrified him to death._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________But then his eyes landed on a lithe figure leaning against the wall, next to the window. The sun shone on his skin almost made him appear translucent, but he was here. Loki was here._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________"So you've been watching me sleep," Thor teased, never remembered being so happy._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________________________Loki looked at him and he smiled. "Good morning, sleepyhead,"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> If you folks want more of me, I am also available on [Tumblr.](http://bebx.tumblr.com/) Come chat, the inbox is open there.


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